Age is Not Just A Number

Maybe it’s because spring is in the air that I’m feeling half starved to hurry up and DO EVERYTHING. Summer will be here before we know it; then fall; then winter…time, that relentless witch, offers no reprieve.

Age is just a number. You can do anything. You’re only as old as you feel.

LIES!!

Age is an actual, biological imperative. You’re not going to be able to do anything you want, forever. And newsflash: You’re not as old as you think you are - you’re as old as you ARE.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 52 and feel 28: the reality is that your body and your time here on earth is closer to the end than to the beginning. Which is why you, too, shouldn’t wait one more minute to DO ALL YOU CAN - while you can.

We’re all running out of actual, physical, real-life time. This isn’t meant to be a bummer, but a mobilizing fact-check. Even if you believe in reincarnation, this life – the one you’re leading right this minute - it’s got an expiry date like every other living thing on the planet. Spring then summer then fall then winter then…

That.

DO IT NOW: Get the girl. Run the race. Start the business. Express the love. Show yourself. Write the book. Have the baby. Divorce the guy. Climb the mountain. Paint. Risk. 

Hang your heart out there for all of it. It's true that fortune and love favour the brave. My own experience is that vulnerability, awkward though it can be, is the portal through which all great things come. And vulnerability is always risky.

Move items from your bucket list to your to-do list. The clock seems to tick faster after 40, and time – like life - will not wait for you.

Don’t kick the bucket filled with wishes and unmet desires; kick it empty.

I have a kid who’s obsessed with his bike and doing slightly scary things on it. Like variously barrelling down a mountain and “catching air.” He’s 6. For the opportunity to do things together, I bought a far-too-expensive mountain bike myself and signed up for classes so that I, too, could learn to ride head-first down a mountain and (oh boy) also catch air. I turn 48 soon. And I’m really not excited about crashing and getting hurt – which I’ve been assured I will.

“Wow. I’m way too old to do something like that,” said someone younger than I am. To which I could only say “this is the youngest I’m ever going to be again. I think I’m too old not to.”

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm”  - Henry David Thoreau

Everything you want is on the other side of what you already know. The biggest expression of yourself in this life sits beyond emotional, spiritual, initellectual or physical comfort. This is a lesson I learn time and again. Because apparently I’m slow.

Being mindful of the years careening past has motivated me to overcome lifelong fears and limiting beliefs: I left the impossible-to-leave relationship, started the business, will soon start others, will fall in love again, for real this time. I’ve climbed the mountains and will climb others. I'll learn to ride the hill in both summer and winter, see a new country and be financially free. These aren’t empty wishes. They're scheduled or in progress.

I’m driven – panicked, even – to get over myself, get the hell on with it and empty the damn bucket.  This one “wild and precious life” is like trying to hold rain in your hand,  falling as it is through me – and you - even as I write this.

Aging is disorienting. There’s what you feel inside, then there’s the 47-year old reality in the mirror. There’s the mysterious thread tying your childhood self to your present one; the space between your interior reality and your lived life; the gap between who you dream of being and who you are. I still feel so energetic and young that if I didn’t know how old I was, I might not be aware of my age at all. Except that I am. Sharply so.

There are those who use age as an excuse of the “I’m too old to…” variety. I’m advocating for the opposite: to use it as a motivator to take every risk you've been afraid to until now. Don’t waste one more minute because you feel 35. Yes, age is a state of mind, and yes you can – and should! – stay young in mind and spirit, but the body ages unrepentantly. Stop deluding yourself that you have time because you feel different than the sheer chronology of years that have passed. Have a little respect.

There are role models, thank God. Beacons of light in what it means to empty your bucket and live a whole, big existence even (or especially) through  life’s “back nine.” I personally know a woman who sky-dived every year on her birthday between 80 and 86 because it was something she always wanted to do and felt the limited time left to do it. I know another who climbed Kilimanjaro with her husband at 67. John Glenn went into space again at 77; Harry Bernstein published his first book, The Invisible Wall, at 96.  Then there’s Australian artist Loongkoonan, who took up painting at 95. She was honoured with an international exhibition last year, and is presently – in her words - a “still very lively” 106, proving that creative passion is maybe the secret to staying young. Or at least to staying alive.

You’re never to old to set another goal or dream a new dream” – CS Lewis

Age doesn’t have to be an obstacle or barrier and there is no “age-appropriate” way to act/dress/talk/DO. The older you get, the more entitled you are to simply be whoever the hell you truly are. That’s what’s appropriate.

There are many gifts of aging, and one of them is that you do, finally, get a handle on what’s important to you. You've become honest. You’ve shrugged off the expectations of parents, friends, society; you only have the proverbial fucks to give for the things that truly resonate and matter.  The fear of looking stupid no longer even registers as a thing, meaning educated risks, at least for me, are easier than ever to take.

Because my primitive human brain, like yours, is wired for survival and not for happiness though, I know it takes intentional action to overcome and challenge my natural instincts to stay safe. Suvival brain is precisely about protecting me from risk; it's about not barelling head first down a mountain on a bike, say. Except that taking risks is directly correlated to happiness and living what's been described as a "good life."  And I want all of that, times ten, for as long as possible.

There's not one more minute to waste expecting life to come to you. Don't let age be an excuse or waiting to become a habit. Join me in cramming as much as you can into what's left and becoming as full of yourself as your body and heart can take.