5 SURPRISING TRUTHS ABOUT BEING YOUR OWN BOSS

We all know that starting a business is not for the faint of heart: the risk, the uncertainty…yadda, yadda, and that is all true.

At the outset of my own “entrepreneurial journey” though, I assumed overcoming professional obstacles was mostly about grit. Digging deep to push through the lean times, not giving up when motivation is down, trusting that sometimes your passion needs to carry your sense, and generally working like hell to somehow keep mouths fed and the mortgage paid.

But no.

I mean yes - for sure all those things are fundamental and grit is necessary. But the truths about being your own boss that surprised me cut closer to the bone and are far more intimate:

1. BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR IS A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

Being your own boss will put you entirely in the personal space of your own dregs. With your face suddenly crushed against the dirty windows of resistance and limiting beliefs about yourself and how the world works, there is no more avoiding what lurks beneath.

The only way to win at entrepreneurship is to invite these truths in.  Look deep and thoughtfully into your own psyche, for it is personal conversion you are after - moving from those old, unhelpful thoughts about yourself and the world, to these shiny, new ones. And don’t be fooled: this is profound, holy work.

Resistance looks like fear in all its permutations. It is irrational and unfounded (as opposed to say, danger); fears’ job is to protect and maintain the status quo. Limiting beliefs invariably appear as feelings of inadequacy or un-worthiness.

In the context of entrepreneurship, unless you can throw off what is untrue, what has been projected onto you over a lifetime; unless you can own what is unique and beautiful and magnificent about yourself, the kind of success you dream of will always be out of reach.

This is not about ego, but about humbly and gratefully acknowledging and accepting what you excel at. The triumph of your business depends on it. You want a “come to Jesus” moment?  Put a stake in the ground and claim what your gifts rightly are. Because you can only convincingly market what you have confidence in and believe is true.

…this collision between one’s image of oneself and what one actually is, is always very painful and there are two things you can do about it. You can meet the collision head-on and try and become what you really are or you can retreat and try to remain what you thought you were, which is a fantasy, in which you will certainly perish. –James Baldwin, “Notes for a Hypothetical Novel”

2. YOUR MIND IS AN ASSHOLE

Which means that so is your boss. Not always or you’d quit entirely and get yourself a “real job” – but yes.

In the grand scheme of life, I have been an entrepreneur for about 10 minutes. I gained a little attention and a little success out of the gate (no really: just a little!), and then do you know what happened? My asshole mind tried to sabotage me.

I lost all imagination and motivation to do the work I love. Physically I slept too much, lost days on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and ate like a family of four. I was aimlessly “meh” and wallowing.

My asshole mind was putting the brakes on. And I’d only just started to roll!

Our minds lie to us all the time, feeding us pre-digested, bullshit notions that serve to diminish us and/or maintain the status quo, rather than nurturing and “up levelling” our efforts. It’s a protective stance founded in fear, but it is seriously not helpful when you want to move up in the world. In my case, my mind said things like “not so fast there, girlie,” “you have nothing original or of value to say” and the classic “who do you think you are, anyway…?” And it all made me want to lay down.

So I did.

And then I willed myself to get the hell up. Because staying in this place too long is creative and productive death.

No one works for an asshole boss who talks trash and underappreciates them for long - life is too short, and all that. It is no different for the under-evolved boss in your head. To grow yourself and your business in an authentic, conscious and sustainable way, you need to “manage up” and settle that inner asshole down.

The best way I’ve found to do this is through the body. The asshole mind is seeded in a dark, mushroomy, emotional place. Going in the opposite direction, to a light, experiential, physical place can bring you back to centre.

Getting embodied bolsters our capacity to cope with matters of the mind.

Nature is a balm. Walking and hiking outside is scientifically proven to stop “negative rumination.”  Unplug, get under the sky and raise your heart rate. Physical, sensual pleasures are all good portals:  Get a massage. Do yoga. Listen to music, take long, salty baths, cook and eat something remarkable.  Get inside your body and out of your mind, see? It’s a kind of retreat – as in retreating from the noisy, abusive, imaginary boss, returning to your creative, three-dimensional and real-life self.

I’m not convinced you can ever truly “fire” the inner-asshole boss, but I am convinced you can manage him/her. When the asshole speaks up, retreat and ride it out physically until confidence and sanity preside. When the asshole retreats back to his corner office (and he will), you can get back to the important work of building your business.

3. BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR IS A CREATIVE ACT

It doesn’t matter if you are fabricating door hinges, planning corporate events or knitting beanies as a business venture, the sheer act of building a company around yourself is a creative exercise.  Imagination and intellect are your raw materials.

The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul - Dieter Uchtdorf

For many this is a “duh!” but as a “classically” creative person (painter, writer) I thought entrepreneurship was mainly an academic and accounting exercise. I mistakenly assumed starting a business (at least a successful one) was something people did who had skills other than mine.

But no! And what a most excellent and happy surprise!

Except here’s the thing: like all acts of creation, you will have to contend with a more or less continuous drip of self-doubt feeding into your veins. Every creator has it. Whether sculptor, quilter or entrepreneur, self-doubt just is.

To this, all I can say is “Courage.” There is little in my experience you can do to extinguish doubt, so learn instead to live with it - but “over there.”

Keep self-doubt in your peripheral vision, but like the slightly creepy but harmless guy watching you from across the room, do not make eye contact. You may hear doubt mumbling, but do not try to dial in to what it is saying. Give it no consideration whatsoever: Ignore, Ignore, Ignore!

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will - anon

Get yourself a coach, join a supportive community or have a circle of friends who “get it” to help remind you of your genius and cheer you on when doubt lurks. With time and practice you’ll acclimatize to this constant presence, be distracted less and be able to do good work despite its disquieting gaze.

4. YOU AND YOUR BUSINESS HAVE A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP

Like the best and most worthwhile intimate relationships, your business will challenge you to own up to your own BS and do and be better. Likewise, you will swing from the joyful, easy flow of “this is the best, ever!” to self-delusional “it’s not me, it’s all you” blame.

Except the business is you. All of it. Pretty tough to guilt “the job” when you are its creator. To this end, if your company is not producing the results you want, the solutions to your problems are most likely to come from looking in, rather than out.

As in all our most meaningful relationships, when we can take responsibility for our own unhappiness and unmet expectations we are often rewarded with personal growth and the desired outcomes.

Heading up your own little company is an opportunity denied many to get real about who and what is actually accountable for limiting your success in both life and business.

5. LIES! “IF YOU DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE, YOU’LL NEVER WORK A DAY IN YOUR LIFE.” 

It doesn’t matter what you do or how passionate you are, there will always, ALWAYS be days that suck ass. Furthermore, EVERY job has something about it that stinks. And those days are W.O.R.K.

Marketing not your thing? Too bad. You’re going to have to do it a day or two a week. Social media makes you grumpy? It’s a must-do, so get over it. Client calls give you anxiety? Find tools to help you manage, ‘cause client calls are necessary. Etcetera, ad nauseum, insert your particular bugaboo here.  Even a guy like Richard Branson out there loving his job and giant life like no one’s business can’t possibly enjoy the days he has to fire a poor performer or spend an 8 hour day reviewing cost reports, for instance. Like that.

You are not falling out of love or destined to fail because there are days you dread or dislike. It’s just what’s real. Will yourself through them. 

Discipline is doing what you hate to do, but nonetheless doing it like you love it - Mike Tyson

Aim for a 75/25 love to dread ratio, and get excited that you are giving yourself the chance to do what you love so much of the time.

When we can see our business enterprises as reflections of our personal constructs, we have the power to create success more powerful and intentional ways. 

What has surprised you about being an entrepreneur? Share the wisdom!