To the friend who is feeling professionally lost;  who feels like her business should be doing “better,” doing “more” and be “further along” (who feels like this is all true personally, too); to the friend who feels unmotivated, tired and “less than” and who is mystified by this interloper of a sudden, unwelcome self:

You are not lost. You are searching.

It is easy to confuse the two because the path you are on has no road signs. You are bushwacking, personally and professionally, drawing a map as you go. Travelling alone, you are clearing an original trail forged of grit and dreams; motivated by a desire for a life and work that is meaningful, generous and authentically you.

This unknown place is both exhilarating and scary. We are taught as children not to venture out alone.  We are taught not to go where the landscape is unfamiliar, where we might not be able to find our way back. You never know who’ll meet...

You never know who you’ll meet!

The difference between an ordeal and an adventure is perspective.  And it turns out you are an adventurer after all. That this is, in fact – contrary to the “woman of safety” you’ve been - your true self.

Danger lurks, it’s true. But so does opportunity. Trust your gut.

If you’d wanted a conventional life, you would have continued on the paved path - the  one where the turns are well-marked and clearly-printed signs tell you where you are and how fast to go. You would not have gone off-road, choosing instead this wild, lush and tangled route. Carving a new way while you innovate and improvise and manage your fear and excitement along the way is… exhausting.

It’s exhausting.

Internal work, emotional work – it is work. Unmotivated and tired? Give yourself a break. Figuratively. Literally. It’s not like you’re going to stop and live in this middle, wooded area if you do. It’s just a rest, love.

Have a snack. Snacks make everything in life better, don’t you think?

Because you’re in it now: the only clearly marked way out is to follow the trail back the way you came and exit where you started. It’s always an option; just not right now. So take a bit of time to gather your wits and resources, rest your mind a minute, and plot your way through the next leg. 

Seemingly endless cycles of seeking and shedding and transformation take more energy than we know. There is a reason caterpillars retreat to a private cocoon.

Creation and transformation are always shouldered on degrees of pain: the physical sear of childbirth; the epic collision of tectonic plates; the emotional turmoil of Hemmingway or VanGogh.

So it is, my friend, that you suffer a bit too in the interest of something that has never been before. And that is as noble and worthwhile a cause as any.

And lest you forget: This too shall pass.

Your happy, energized and confident self didn’t abandon you. She’s just waiting her turn. Ebb is running with the baton at the moment; Flow will be there for the hand-off. And back and forth, and so on, and so on.

I recently revisited a book I hadn’t read in more than 20 years, M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Travelled. The book had a profound impact on me when I first read it, and it’s interesting to read it again for the perspective.

The first line of the book reads Life is hard.

In 300 or so pages Peck makes the argument that “hard,” in fact, IS life. Not exclusively, of course, but at its essence, life is about "the often painful process of change towards a higher level of self-understanding." Life is an endless progression of hills-to-climb as we overcome obstacles inside and out; spiritual obstacles, physical ones, psychic ones. And overcoming is hard. At 20, the book was a fairly depressing indictment of what it is to be human. At mid-life it’s liberating. Because I get it!

LIFE IS HARD. It’s not meant to be easy! If it’s hard at least some of the time, that just means you’re doing it right. The sooner we accept and embrace this truth, ironically, the easier it is: “Hard” is no longer personal, but rather simply what it means to be human. They who stay small, who never learn and change, feel no growing pains.

As for judging yourself for not doing “better,” “more” or being “further along,” ask this: Are you not doing the best you can? Are you not doing more for your authentic Self today than you ever have? Are you not closer to your goals (for yourself, for your business) than you were this time last year?

Yes. Yes, you are.

And so: You are not less. To the contrary: you are more than you’ve ever been.

…which is to say, you are more YOU than you’ve ever been!

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are - Brene Brown

I see you making your way towards a life of your own creation. I see you continuing to shed worn expectations and projections of family, friends and society. I see you willing to be seen. You are a beacon to all of us who come behind. A light in an otherwise mysterious and intimidating woodland.

I feel your struggle. I feel your pain, both emotional and physical.  I feel your near-perpetual confusion and bewilderment. I feel you.

I'm in your corner, cheering you on, putting ice on your bruises and wrapping your bloody knuckles when you need me to. You’ve got this. You are stronger and smarter and more resilient than you think.  When you win, we all win.